March 13, 2012 | Category: Change, Desire, Letting Go
On Sunday mornings, I ride my bike to yoga class on the beach. My fellow yogis and I practice throughout winter’s wind and cold. (Okay yes, it’s a SoCal winter but chilly still!) On warmer days, we attempt poses in the crashing waves. Surprisingly, I’ve mastered nothing about yoga except the self-titled Falling Pose. After years of practice, you’d think I would improve or switch to badminton. Instead, I keep going to class. Why do I love something that is a struggle? Let’s ask my brain.
MY BRAIN ON YOGA
ME: Why do I want to do things that are difficult?
MY BRAIN: When you are pushed to the edge of comfort, I release dopamine — which creates feelings of satisfaction, enjoyment and excitement.
ME: So, I have to be uncomfortable to feel good?
MY BRAIN: Yes, the struggle is key. The road to mediocrity is smooth and easy. The road to mastery is steep.
ME: If I received that in a fortune cookie, I’d burn it. Seriously, how do I master something?
MY BRAIN: You try it and see what could be better. And try it again. This is called deep practice.
ME: WTH?
MY BRAIN: You will begin to master yoga after you have spent 10,000 hours in deep practice.
ME: WTH?
I’m getting schooled by my brain and its associate, Malcolm Gladwell. In the book, Outliers, Gladwell explains that success requires practicing a specific task for approximately 10,000 hours. This amounts to roughly 90 minutes a day for 20 years. Before becoming a life coach, the only thing I mastered was worry and worry never solved a single problem. Now I’m trading up and staring down 10,000 hours of yoga.
COACH WENDY PRESENTS: HOW TO MASTER SOMETHING
- Stretch yourself (and not just for yoga). We are not happy at “easy”. Instead, we are happy working just beyond where we feel capable. For scientific proof, check out Five Things Happy People Do.
- Be willing to screw up. You will never do anything well if you aren’t willing to do it badly. Once I decided it was okay to fall, yoga was more fun and amusing (at least for the people around me).
- Repeat 10,000 times. (You knew this was coming, right?)
10,000 hours can feel overwhelming. To keep frustrations low, I engage in some mental martial arts. Knowing that mastery will take many, many years can lessen the immediate pressure. I won’t be an expert this week or the week after that or the year after that. It’s going to take 10,000 hours so I might as well enjoy the ride. It is possible to strive and relax at the same time. And if I am relaxed, I can actually go further with yoga.
Is there a skill you’d like to master? A passion that is tugging you? The sooner you complete the first 1,000 hours, the sooner you will complete the remaining 9,000. Just begin.
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November 17, 2011 | Category: Desire, Letting Go
Ready for something crazy-cool? Last month I attended a workshop on leadership and communication for entrepreneurs. What was CRAZY is that the teachers were horses. No fooling. Sure, there were two-footed facilitators, but I was going to learn from horses.
The frustrating thing about horses is they don’t understand English — or any spoken language for that matter. So, how can I learn about leadership and communication without speaking? You neigh-sayers won’t believe this, but I was able to get horses to walk, run and stop without saying a word, using gestures or touching them. COOL. And I was able to do this more than once — and with different horses. Yee haw!
How does this work? It may sound bananas, but I visualized what I wanted and that freakin’ horse responded. The trick is, I had to be in “the flow”. You may be thinking, what the hay is flow?
And so….COACH WENDY PRESENTS: The Lowdown on Flow.
Flow happens when:
* You are present and completely into what you are doing.
* You are perfectly challenged – the task is not too easy or too hard.
* Your intention is clear.
* You cue it up and let it go.
So what does that ACTUALLY look like? I settled into the moment by focusing on what I was thinking and feeling. I watched the horse. I slowed down my breathing. I imagined the horse “joining up” with me and then I released any expectation that he would actually do it. I was willing to experience any outcome.
This is key, people. If I am anxious, the horse will be anxious. My job is to stay peaceful and clear.
When the horse senses that I am clear about what I want to do, he becomes comfortable with me as the leader. Once this connection is established, the horse follows directions without me saying a word. AMAZING. Since he doesn’t understand English, the smarty-pants horse is focused on subtle, non-verbal cues. I could also share some facts about conscious versus subconscious perception, but who really cares? Boeing 747s fly through the air all day long and that makes no sense.
We don’t have to understand something for it to work.
Are there places in your life where you are not getting the results you desire? You may want to consider whether or not your intentions are clear. Do you feel anxious about things going a certain way? Imagine letting go of the need to control what is happening and see if you feel calmer. I guarantee that your perspective will change when you decide to loosen up on the reigns.
Start using some horse sense and you can become a crazy-cool flow rider. If you need help, I’ll be standing by – with boots on. 
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July 25, 2011 | Category: Letting Go, Peace
I’ve been saying this a lot lately — mostly to clients who are acting all graspy and tight. My chiropractor was stressin’ about his new relationship and I said, “Loosen your grip, man.”
I say it to myself all the time so I figured I’d better write about it. To prepare, I asked a client what this particular prescription did for her and she sent back a short essay. Shazam! See what happens when you let go? Hope you enjoy her response-
Loosen your grip, man.
Relax
Breathe
Step away
Let it go
It is not a question, request or threat. It is a command – but a cool one.
This is one of the most powerful tools I use. It connects directly to my ability to calm down physically and emotionally. It provides a mental picture of loosening my grip – either on a steering wheel or something I am holding with my hand. Sometimes I imagine my hand dropping something. Having that visual gives my brain a distraction – and snaps me out of my stress or fear or whatever for a split second. And that is usually enough to provide some relief or to ground myself a bit so I can look at what is bothering me from a more relaxed and peaceful place.
I usually take a deep breath when I hear that phrase. My hands relax; my shoulders sink. The “man” at the end sets the tone of beach, surfer, enjoy the day, mellow, vacation type of thing. And I can hear Wendy saying it – and she is a surfer, beach girl living in the land of perpetual sunshine and that also makes me relax because my brain associates Wendy with calm, support, peace and validation.
I like the steering wheel scenario best because it gets my mind going (in a good way). I see my hands on the steering wheel and feel them relaxing – then I think about enjoying the scenery or the song on the radio. I can feel the breeze or savor the quiet of the muted outside world. I want to experience joy on the journey – not squeeze it out because I am gripping the wheel and focusing on stressful thoughts. After all, it’s just a thought, man.
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January 19, 2011 | Category: Deciding, Letting Go, Wisdom
Last month, I learned that I had to move out of my office space. I loved my office and was feeling bummed, but knew I had to act fast.
I made an appointment to see another building. It was a good location. The office was a nice size. It was the right price. It was available immediately. And it was all wrong. Something wasn’t right. I couldn’t articulate what was off, but knew I couldn’t commit to the space even though the desired elements were there. Intellectually it was a slam dunk yet my gut said, “Oh hell no”.
If data was all we needed to make good decisions, there would be no doctors who smoke.
There would be no crazy psychiatrists.
Clearly, information is not enough. Living the life you are meant to live requires wisdom.
Wisdom is the knowledge of what is true or right. Wisdom is insight. I listened to that voice inside me even though I didn’t have a Plan B. Even though I didn’t know why things weren’t right.
I let go of the “hell no” office and it paid off. Two days later I was asked to bring my coaching business into Discover Wellness, an integrative health center in San Diego. I have joined a select group of wellness practitioners that provide acupuncture, massage, nutrition services and chiropractic care. This is my tribe! With my background in natural science, this center is a natural (pun intended) fit for me and my business. Even though I couldn’t see the path, wisdom was leading me to where I needed to be. I would not have discovered this new venture had I focused only on data.
Now here is the part I really want you to soak up. If something is not a HELL YES, it’s a HELL NO. I had to let go of something that looked good on paper in order to discover the thing that was MORE right. My marvelous friend Bridgette explains this with a trapeze analogy. Yes, trapeze. You can’t grab the next bar if you don’t let go of the one in your hand.
Are there places in your life where you need to let go in order to make room for something better?
It’s not too late, you know. It is never too late to become who you are meant to become. Get help if you need it to follow the path that feels hard, but right.
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