You’ve got love
(and it’s driving you crazy)
Welcome to a relationship. I can almost guarantee that the people you’ve attracted into your life are the people best equipped to push all of your buttons. It’s designed that way. Sounds pretty sucky at first, but I believe that there are aspects of our personalities that can only be developed when we’re in a relationship. If you’re open to this type of growth, your people can show you where you have some work to do.
You spot it; you’ve got it. People are mirroring back to us what we are putting out. What annoys you about your partner/sister/friend is likely an underdeveloped aspect of yourself. If your best friend is unreliable, consider where you are being unreliable in the relationship. If your partner is impatient, how might you be more patient? Shifting your behavior is an invitation for the other person to shift too. When I started doing this, my husband asked me if I was on a new medication…in a good way.
Anytime we want someone to be different, we suffer. That’s a pretty bold statement so I’d expect you to take a closer look. My husband is a workaholic and I wished he’d spend more time with me. Nothing wrong with that, right? I used to resent that he didn’t feel the same way. When I really examined my hurt feelings, I realized that I didn’t want him to come home early from work unless he honestly wanted to. Forced connection isn’t going to turn out well. It’s his life and I want him to spend his time doing exactly what he wants to do. And the truth is that I don’t want him to be with me unless he truly desires it.
Has someone ever tried to convince you to do something you don’t want to do? I bet it felt like crap. You can still ask for what you want. The challenge is being okay with the answer you get. Wanting others to change so that we feel better isn’t love. See if letting go creates room for other people to show up as their true selves. That’s where genuine and meaningful connection is most possible.
For more tips on staying sane, check out Let Go Or Be Dragged.